Stifle
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: Reaction fic to the spoiler for 4x22- you know the one. This is how I feel it should go down. Kadam. Not exactly Blaine / Klaine-friendly. ** Now 2 chapters!
1. Stifle

Written on tumblr for a prompt using the word 'stifle'.

**Pairing**: Kadam, featuring Blaine (with spoilers for 4x22)  
**Genre**: Angst  
**Rating**: mature themes  
**Summary**: Spoiler for 4x22- you know the one. This is how I feel it should go down.

**Stifle**

"It's going to be alright, Kurt."

Kurt nodded, but he wasn't sure if he believed it. How could he? It was the same thing everyone had told him when his mother was in the hospital. He didn't blame Adam for saying it- it was just what people said in situations like this - but he was more grateful for Adam's hand clasped around his and the way he rubbed his back between his shoulderblades all the way from the airport to the hospital in the cab despite the cabby giving him dirty looks through the rearview mirror at every traffic light. It was his touch that kept Kurt grounded, more than his words.

"I know this is something you need to do alone, but I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere," Adam promised at the door to Burt's room. Kurt nodded again. It was all he could do not to break down again like he had at the phonecall, and again at the announcement that their flight was delayed, making them too late to see his father before the surgery. He pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor should have been calming, but the effect was lost as soon as Kurt pulled back the privacy drapes and looked into the face of his ex-boyfriend.

"Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, his face lighting up as it always did when he saw him. That used to make Kurt feel good, made him feel wanted, but right now, it was just wrong. So wrong. Kurt was not who mattered in this place.

"Blaine," he brought out hoarsely, his voice rough from lack of use. "What are you doing here?"

Blaine smiled shyly. "I told you I'd look after him, Kurt. I told you. I looked up your flight on the internet and it said you were delayed so I came and sat with him. For you." He gave Kurt an expectant look. Kurt frowned. He couldn't believe Carole and Finn hadn't warned him. Did they even know? They were at home right now, trying to catch up on a little sleep now that the surgery was over and there was nothing they could do for Burt until he woke up from his drug-induced coma. He looked at his father. He was pale and tubes ran to and from his body like creeping vines circled around sleeping beauty's castle. It may have looked peaceful to some, but Kurt knew how his dad usually slept: snoring loudly, his feet propped up on their coffee table, remote control in his lap. It was a far cry from the proper way some nurse or other had arranged him on the pillows.

Kurt stepped closer, wanting to reach out to take his dad's hand, but Blaine mistook the gesture and took it instead, squeezing his palm against Kurt's in what he probably thought was a comforting way. Kurt had to **stifle** the urge to pull his hand back. "Could you-" he started, his voice cracking. He swallowed hard and started again. "Could you please go, Blaine? I need some time with my dad."

"Okay. Sure," Blaine said, and Kurt breathed out in relief. "But I have to ask you something first." Kurt shrugged vaguely, keeping his eyes on his father. Whatever Blaine wanted, he could have it as long as he left.

"Your father and I talked about this before he went under," Blaine started, and a chill ran down Kurt's spine. "I know it's maybe bad timing but with everything happening, I just couldn't wait. Stuff like this just makes you realise how much you've got to lose, you know?" Kurt didn't react. He already knew how much he had lost and how much was still in the balance- he didn't need Blaine to explain or confirm it. "So," Blaine continued, taking Kurt's silence as encouragement, "I got you this-" He took out a small red box from his pocket, not unlike the one Kurt had been presented with a little more than a year ago, and sank to his knees, keeping a tight hold on Kurt's hand.

"Kurt, I love you. Will you marry me?"

Kurt wondered if this was what it was like to have an outer-body experience. He felt like he had stepped outside of himself, looking down on his hand like it was someone else's. It took him a moment to force himself back into his body to control his vocal chords.

"You talked to my dad before the surgery?" he finally asked, not answering Blaine's question. Blaine nodded. "He encouraged me," he said. "Actually, he had a lot of great ideas about it. He said that I should take you to that Italian place you love so much, _Maria's_? So I could propose there. I thought your favourite place in Lima was Breadstixx, but he assured me it was something special and better than Breadstixx, so I made reservations for last night but then you weren't there-"

Kurt stared down at him, for a moment too shocked to speak. Then, very slowly, his mind caught up and he looked at his father, his heart clinching. Tears were starting to form in his eyes but he pushed them down for now. There was something he needed to do first.

One night a few weeks ago, Kurt had Skyped with his father and told him about Adam. He had been nervous at first, scared that Burt might take the age difference badly, but he reacted a lot differently than Kurt expected. As it turned out, Burt had a confession of his own to make- he knew what happened with Blaine. Finn had finally told him after Christmas, and Burt had been waiting for the right moment to ask his son about it without opening old wounds. It had been a good talk. Kurt had apologised for keeping the truth from his father, his dad had apologised for taking Blaine with him to New York (something he assured Kurt he would never have done if he had known), and after that Kurt had told him all about Adam and the Adam's Apples and Downton Abbey marathons and being snowed in. Burt had been happy and told him they needed to get to Lima in spring break so he could 'grill the new guy' and ask him embarassing questions about his intentions. The memory made Kurt smile a little before he remembered why he and Adam had ended up flying in the middle of the semester.

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice brought him back to the present. Kurt focused on the boy kneeling before him.

"I can't do it, Blaine," he said quietly, thanking his dad for his silent support. _Maria's_ was not his 'favourite Italian place'. It was a place Kurt loathed, and Burt knew it- they had been there when his parents told him his mom needed to be in the hospital for a while but everything would be okay. After his mom's death, Kurt had been unable to so much as smell Italian food for months, and he had never set foot into the restaurant ever again.

"But last year, when I gave you my promise ring-" Blaine started.

"You should go," Kurt interruped him. "I want to be with my dad now."

"You said your answer would be yes-" Blaine insisted, rising from his knees but not letting go of Kurt's hand just yet. "Don't throw away what we had- what we _have_ together, I know you still love me. If you just let me show you…"

Kurt looked at Blaine and tried to see what he had seen back then, but it was gone. "Blaine, you should go," he said again. "I can't do this." The sight of his father empowered him. Burt would be _so_ angry if he was awake right now.

He pulled his hand free and reached into his pocket, sliding his fingers over his phone, tapping the screen twice for speeddial. It took about fifteen seconds for the door to open and for Adam to step inside, phone in his hand and a concerned expression on his face. "Kurt, are you-?" he started.

Kurt, who stood with his back to the door, shook his head and reached behind him with his free hand, his palm open. Adam hurried to him and took his hand. The moment his boyfriend's fingers closed around his, Kurt closed his eyes in relief.

"You must be Blaine," he heard Adam say. Kurt kind of wanted to see the expression on Blaine's face, but not enough to actually open his eyes. "I think Kurt wants to be with his dad right now. Let's talk in the hall." There was nothing about Adam's voice that made it into anything less than a command. He wasn't asking nicely. Blaine didn't reply, but Kurt heard him move and a moment later, Adam squeezed his hand softly before letting go.

"After you," the Brit said, and Kurt heard the door open and close. Finally, he was alone with his dad.

"I love you, daddy," he whispered, taking his father's hand in his. "I'm here."

**The End**

Author's note: I'm sorry. I just had so many feels about the spoilers, and this had to be written. I hope you're okay.


	2. Wistful

**Pairing**: Kadam, featuring Blaine (with spoilers for 4x22)  
**Words**: 1542  
**Genre**: General/Romance  
**Rating**: Harmless  
**Summary**: Part II of "Stifle" from Adam's POV: the talk between Adam & Blaine.  
All the warnings from chapter 1 apply here too: if you want Klaine to get back together, this fic is not going to make you happy.

**Wistful**

Adam closed the hospital door behind him and looked at the boy in front of him. It was the first time he had seen Blaine in real life. He had seen pictures, of course - though he wasn't very active on Facebook, he _had_ used it to look through Kurt's pictures (more often than he was comfortable admitting, because it made him feel a little bit like a stalker) and Blaine had been very present in many of them. So much, actually, that he often seemed to overshadow his ex. Kurt always seemed to be slouching next to him, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder, or standing behind him. Seeing Blaine, Adam understood why. Kurt was taller than his ex-boyfriend. And not just a little bit. He wondered if Kurt had posed like that on purpose, making himself smaller, the same way he did with his words whenever Adam tried to pay him a compliment.

Blaine gave him a cold look. "Kurt didn't tell me you were so _old_," he said, managing to sound accusatory and condescending at the same time. _Quite an accomplishment, considering his height,_ Adam mused. He smiled indulgently.

"Maybe he thought it wasn't important," he offered. _Or that it was none of your business_, he added in his mind.

Blaine shook his head. "No, we always tell each other everything. He's clearly ashamed of you." He narrowed his eyes. "Did you know he cheated on you with me at Mr Schue's wedding?"

Adam knew it was futile to try and hide the hurt in his face- he had never been very good with keeping his feelings hidden. Blaine's triumphant smile told him the boy could tell. He let him have his small victory before answering.

"I did, actually," Adam replied quietly. "Kurt told me when he got back to New York. I told him it was okay, as we weren't officially together back then." _As opposed to now_, he left unspoken. It had still hurt, but not because he felt he had a right to feel that way. It just hurt because he had been jealous of anyone being with the man he admired so much. They had talked it over, and it had lead Adam to finally admitting all and everything he felt for Kurt – he wasn't saying that made the thing with Blaine _good_, but it had brought them closer together in the end. Adam was old enough to know the temptations of lost loves- he had told Kurt so (while assuring him they were far, far away in England and he had no intention on revisiting that part of his life, ever) and that night, after the movie, they had made love for the first time. In a way, he had Blaine to thank for that.

"Then you should know he still has feelings for me. I'm his best friend. That scene you just walked in on? That was me offering him my help. I was offering him my everything. I asked him to marry me." Blaine lifted his chin and looked up at Adam. "Like we planned. It was all we would talk about last year."

Adam sighed **wistfully**. "I know," he replied again. Why did Blaine assume he and Kurt never talked about anything? In the first few weeks after he met Kurt, Blaine was almost the only thing Kurt ever talked about. Adam had listened patiently, knowing Kurt needed someone to talk to as he went through phases of sorrow, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and (what had been hardest to bear) shame and guilt. Adam had tried to withhold judgement as well as he could, but meeting Blaine completed the picture he had formed in his head. He now understood why Kurt was so hesitant with his affection, why he flinched at every misstep, expecting to be reprimanded or ridiculed.

"He said no, didn't he?" Adam asked, his tone calm despite everything.

"If you hadn't interrupted-" Blaine started, though he didn't look so pleased anymore. Clearly he had hoped Adam would be more surprised by his proposal.

Adam couldn't feel sorry for him- he had seen the way Kurt had reacted to Blaine's unexpected presence in his dad's room: his tense posture, the way he had reached out for him. It was unusual for Kurt to let his distress show like that in front of other people, eventhough he was letting his guard down more and more when they were alone together. The situation with his dad must be even more taxing for him than Adam had assumed. And Blaine wasn't helping.

"He called me in there," Adam said simply. "I think that says about everything."

"I think it says he's confused," Blaine countered. "If he knew how much I still love him-"

"He does. Believe me, he does."

Which was why simply saying 'I love you' was never going to cut it any more. It wouldn't matter how often Adam said it; Kurt would always be thinking 'that's what Blaine said too, before he left me'. Blaine had no idea what kind of damage he had done with that. From day one, Adam had been trying to prove to Kurt that he was different, that he wouldn't do that to him, and he was still not 100% sure Kurt believed him- or ever would.

"We should have a sing-off," Blaine said.

Adam blinked. "Pardon?"

"Yeah. We did that at school all the time when we had to settle something. You sing. I sing. And Kurt decides who's best."

Adam opened his mouth to speak a few times, but couldn't find the right words to express what he felt. "I don't think a song contest is what Kurt needs right now, Blaine," he finally said. "When his dad is recovered, I'm sure he'll have time for a mature heart-to-heart-" Adam really couldn't stress the word _mature_ enough. He knew Blaine was a high school senior and only a year younger than Kurt, but they suddenly seemed ages apart.

"You have no idea what Kurt needs!" Blaine protested. "Music always makes him feel better. It's all we ever did. It's why he went to NYADA, to make it his profession!"

Adam cocked his head. "Really? That's what you think he does all day? Sing songs?" He looked at the other boy in amazement. "Did you know NYADA has dance classes, theatre classes, writing classes, set design, costume design… and that Kurt is taking all of these courses on top of his internship? He's not even sure he wants to keep up his singing course after winning Midnight Madness, because he said he's not interested in repeat performances. Did you know he got a large part in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and one of his short stories was featured on NYADA's student blog?" _Do you even know the guy you want to marry at all?_

Blaine's eyes were searching the wall behind Adam as if he would find words to say written out for him. "Of course I do," he said shyly, "he told me all of that on the phone."

"Then what was the short story about?" Adam asked, giving Blaine a chance, though he suspected the outcome would be disappointing. Blaine remained silent.

"I don't think he said," he finally admitted. "Glee Club, I guess."

_Funny, I thought you guys talked about everything?_ Adam thought.

"If you want to stay friends with Kurt, you need to start listening to what he has to say, Blaine," he said, "Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak." If it came out more sternly than he intended, he didn't care. It was time someone told this boy the truth, and if Kurt was too kind or too polite to do that, he would. "Now I don't know what he told you about us-"

"That you weren't exclusive," Blaine helpfully supplied.

"But we are exclusive _now_. That means you need to back off. Stop posting love songs on his wall. Stop sending him gifts. Stop showing up unexpectedly." _And leave when he tells you to._

"I promised him I'd look after his dad," Blaine protested.

Adam nodded. "You can - just don't expect any favours from him in return. He's not going to marry you because you are living up to your side of your friendship."

Adam half-expected Blaine to put up another fight, maybe even suggest more singing, but it seemed that the message had finally hit home.

"Okay," Blaine said, tears gathering in his eyes. "Okay. Fine." He stepped back, giving Adam a last look, and turned around to leave. Adam let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. Behind him, the door quietly opened all the way. Adam had already suspected it hadn't been a draft that had opened it moments earlier, but he hadn't wanted to call Blaine's attention to it.

"He was diffent when I met him," Kurt said quietly, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him carefully. He knew his dad wasn't really asleep, but it felt wrong slamming it anyway.

Adam put an arm around his shoulders. _Maybe _you_ were different,_ he thought, but the advantage of being so old was knowing when to speak your mind and when not to.

**The End**


End file.
